Inside scoop: Casual Sex
Engaging in one of the most sacred acts between two human beings and not putting any heart into it ends up cheapening the whole episode. Sex no longer holds that butterfly-inducing effect it once did.
So if you insist on settling for a casual understanding, ensure that you don't get with her too often, otherwise the sugar simply won't be as sweet.
We no longer live in a world in which you should feel guilty for engaging in some good ol’ hitting and quitting, pumping and dumping, f*cking and chucking, nailing and bailing, wham-bamming and thank-you-ma’aming, skeeting and retreating, ejaculating and evacuating, pulling out and rolling out...
We’re at a point where dating has become a very loose term. It can truly mean anything at this point.
It could mean you’re going out for meals in public, or you could just be two Millennials, f*cking and texting.
If I’ve learned anything about casual sex, it’s that no one really knows what it means.
Casual sex takes many forms. You know the obvious ones: the one-night stand, the booty call, sex by appointment.
Maybe you’ve heard of "rec" (recreational) sex, which exists because, as one friend told me, "every great athlete needs practice."
And then there's "cereal" sex, which is a one-night stand amid a dry spell that, like cereal, is satisfying in the moment but leaves you needing further sustenance shortly thereafter.
Wait, there’s more.
How about Deja sex? When you unexpectedly have sex with someone you weren’t planning on seeing or sleeping with again. For instance, after a few handle pulls, you spent one of your last college Saturday nights in a room at PIKE with whatever his name is, never to see him again, until ten years later when you bump into him at the international trade convention in Florida, and, after a few Vodka Collins at the Marriott, you end up in his room, for old time’s sake.
Sex, by definition, is the opposite of casual. It is the most intimate thing two humans can do.
So, what do you do when you want sex, but you don’t want feelings?
My conflict throughout the past few years has been trying to figure out how to find the balance of being single and independent (basically just living my life) while not sinking to be just a “booty call.”
When casual sex is a topic of conversation, you are likely to get a similar reaction—casual. Many worry that society is crumbling because of "hookup apps" like Tinder, Blendr, Grindr, etc.
Much like you’d browse through shirts at Forever 21, you can browse through prospects in your bedroom, on the train, at the club, on the toilet — literally anywhere.
Seeking out casual sex has never been easier or more convenient.
It is no denying that the current digital hookup culture is a great way to be sexually active while single, and maybe even a good way to meet someone who you even want to pursue.
Sex is f*cking awesome. And, as long as there is consent, some sort of protection and honesty involved, casual sex really isn’t harming anyone.
Of course, there are specifics, like don’t f*ck your best friend’s boyfriend or anyone who is in a committed relationship, but you get the point.
As my mom likes to remind me anytime she gets me in the car alone, the current “hook-up culture” is much more nonchalant than it was back in the day.
When casual sex starts to turn into “friends with benefits,” or anything in that category, it’s great for a short period of time, but it has an expiration date. And, at some point, it either needs to progress or stop.
Some people you begin to have casual sex with will give you a little disclaimer up top about, “Just getting out of a relationship,” or, “Not looking for anything serious,” or “really just focusing on his career.”
I would ignore this giant red flag and just find another guy to have casual sex with, cause that guy sucks.
Why does he talk to me every day for a week and then go MIA? Because he has no intention of this developing into anything more than sex.
You have sex, you get closer, he’d disappear, you get confused, he’d come back, you let it go and repeat.
This will persist until you realized the only thing consistent about your casual sex babe is their inconsistency.
But, just because a guy is sending you kiss face emoji and is telling you how great he thinks you are does not mean he has any intention of pursuing a relationship with you.
Now, the only flakes I want inside of me are in the form of cereal. Sorry, bro.
When you have sex with someone too quickly, all logic and judgment goes out the window.
You both get caught up in the excitement and the endorphins, and all of a sudden, you think you know someone because you’ve been “f*cking and texting” for three weeks straight.
You don’t know this person.
Not to be confused with the pull-out, have you ever heard of the pull-back?
Basically, it’s the first time someone does something slightly flaky, like canceling plans last minute or “forgetting” to answer text messages.
Let me be clear, if you are casually seeing someone, do not expect to hang out every night. But, if you are sleeping with someone, I do expect an answer back within 48 to 72 hours.
If someone flakes on you, stand up for yourself. You don’t have to call him 10 times in a row to tell him he’s a piece of sh*t.
Because in casual sex we are taught that you sleep with someone, you have a good time, it ended pretty quickly and you didn’t think twice about it.
Don’t be embarrassed if you don’t understand the appeal of hook up culture.
Sometimes we want more than sex. This doesn’t mean you will find yourself madly in love with everyone you get intimate with, but there’s got to be something.
Otherwise, you may just end up feeling empty and lonely. Maybe even crawl back into bed and think about when it used to mean so much more, and like some overdramatic after-school special, you may even silently cry. And that’s not how sex should make you feel.
Some don’t want to be young, wild, and free like every alcohol, clothing, whatever company campaign directed at every goddamn 20 something wants me to be.
A relationship based on sex may not supply you with the emotional support that you need, but everyone craves physical love every now and again... and there's nothing wrong with that.
Casual sex is fun; just make sure it’s fun when you casually hop into bed. It’s okay if that’s not always what you want or if it usually is. You don’t have to always feel or not feel a certain way.